Epiphany # 732

So if you haven't caught on by now, periodically, I have revelations and come to these life altering, feng shui mile markers. Sometimes they occur weekly, sometimes with few months in between but lately I have really been taking a hard look at myself and have been trying to be the best person I can be. Which brings me to my favorite part of my revelations…my bullet point lists:

• I have been spending WAY to much time on my phone. I am obsessively checking my email, personal and work, FaceBook, and my blog. Sometimes while at work, sometimes while in bed, and often when I’m driving in the car. Also, my texting has become out of this world. Today I spend about an hour texting back and forth with my best friend. We could have easily held a conversation during this time but instead texted for one hour. This has to stop. As of April 1st, I am canceling my Sprint Vision package (internet) and canceling my texts. Yes, friends, I know it is easier to text someone “on my way” or “do you know where my car keys are.” But I am becoming more and more bothered with the entire being that is text message. Too often I will text my husband and to say love you and can’t wait to see you tonight. Both are things that are too meaningful to say via text where there is no emotion. When I tell someone and am told “I love you” there should be the emotion of a voice backing that up. Is it too much to ask? (wow that was way too much for a bullet point. But theses are my bullet points so please, do not judge)

• Random acts of kindness. The other day leaving the grocery store, I saw a gentleman in his 70’s scratching a lottery ticket that he had just purchased. No one was around and I said “Did you win big?” He looked at me with the largest, sweetest smile and said “Nope! Not tonight” It was adorable and he looked so happy that a young girl spoke to him. What has happened? Two weeks ago, I would have been too busy checking my email as I walked out of the grocery store to my car, as if I am so important and people need to be in constant contact with me that I would be getting an email since 5 minutes ago when I checked it waiting in line. I need to attempt to be more personable and social.

• Church. Slacking is an understatement to express my laziness that occurs sometime after Saturdays at midnight. It’s not like I’m sleeping in until noon (trust me, I cannot sleep past 7:30am anymore) but I think Sunday morning church is especially hard for me because Sunday is the only day that is my day. I don’t have to work (This year I’ve been working full days, Monday through Saturday) and I am being completely and utterly selfish by staying home. But I deserve that right? Wrong. Going to church makes me feel incredible and fulfilled and I’m denying myself of that because I don’t want to change out of my pajamas.

• Side note: My dog has way too much fiber in his diet and has horrendous gas. Is it safe to give a puppy Gas-X? They’re liquid gel caps? No?

• My husband. I am not devoting half of the time I should to him. I wake up at 5:30am and don’t get home until nearly 6:30 in the evening. I haven’t been making time to devote to him outside of our home. We need more date nights again because we love going out to eat. I need that in my life again.

• My home. I have been so preoccupied with my professional career, that I have not taken the time to decorate much beyond painting and having furniture delivered. I obsess over cleaning. I vacuum the house once a day (partially because the Dyson animal was created by Gods) and clean the kitchen, in detail, every day. I literally get in a funk if my house isn’t up to par with how clean I think it should be. Every Sunday I clean in detail and organize something. I need to stop sweating the small stuff. That’s been on my list of annoyances with myself for years. I am OCD and anal retentive. I am stubborn and don’t listen to anyone but the voice in my head. I’m going to get over it.

Moral of the story is that I am devoting my extra time and energy into being a better me and trying to analyze myself on a regular basis so when my “revelation” periods come in, I am not feeling down on myself but good about the progress and changes I’ve made/am making.

Does anyone else go through these phases when they realize their life isn’t being lived to its potential? My worst fear would be to die and have people saying that I didn’t live up to the potential I have. I need to thrive on my strengths and perfect my weaknesses.


Cheers,

LT